i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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