Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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