don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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