pedialite and red bull = repair kit
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Found the puke drawer
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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