I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
