he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
