Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
