You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
