i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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