you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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