I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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