so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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