Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
