and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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