She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
