Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
