She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Someone shit on the floor
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
