Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
