I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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