I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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