Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
...so i touched it.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Randomize
