i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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