Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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