I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
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