I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
