Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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