we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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