one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
