I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
