i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
