I showed him my bush... on skype.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
