I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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