I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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