Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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