I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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