i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just invented taco cereal.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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