the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
All I want is dick and wine.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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