I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Operation Purity has been aborted
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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