I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
