Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
