Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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