Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
