Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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