So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
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