And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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