yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
