Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
