Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
