That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
