fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
