idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
