i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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