did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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