and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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