He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
And then the night went full on bisexual.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize