This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
