We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize