Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
