I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
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