Im at strip club and am horny
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
