Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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