Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
ttyl tear gas
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize
