I wish life had little blips of pornography
i just made my gag reflex go away.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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