I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
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