i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
