would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
