I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
