did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
