someone get that fucking seahorse.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
